Sitting on a bench in the park on a sunny day. Country music ( country music! The Beach Boys. Kanye West’s first album (I know, I know). Talking online about depression for the first time, and getting a good response. Reading The Tiger Who Came to Tea, and doing the tiger’s voice. Catching my daughter in the water during her first three seconds. Getting the all-clear after a health scare. The scent of pine on a warm evening in Italy. The lights fading in the cinema, with a bucket of warm popcorn in your lap. SUNSETS, THE thousand suns and worlds that aren’t ours but shine in the night sky. And part of my personality was this: when I was When you can be yourself around someone, you project your dissatisfied self outwards. In a way we argued because we knew it would have no fundamental impact. If you go deep enough under a tidal wave the water is still. You bend over backwards for them and treat me like crap.’ ‘Bye, Matt.’ ‘Oh fuck off, you’re not really going, are you?’ ‘You selfish cunt.’ ‘Okay, I’m getting ready… fuck.’ But the arguments were surface stuff.

And no one’s in the office till after twelve.

It’s why we’re in this villa.’ ‘You work six days a week. I’m just so fed up with you.’ ‘Why?’ ‘ You’re the one who wants to be here. I’ll be stranded in the middle of nowhere. I’m getting in the car.’ ‘What? You can’t leave me in the villa all day. You were drinking vodka lemon all night.’ ‘Sorry for having a good time.

It’s Ibiza.’ ‘ You’re being selfish.’ ‘ I’m being tired.’ ‘ You’re hungover. It’s a forty-five-minute drive.’ ‘ So, no one will know. It’s half-nine.’ ‘ So?’ ‘ I’ve got to be at the office at ten.

Reasons to stay alive pages